priorities

Good day, blog.

I just finished making lunch-- chicken fingers, via Lauren Valle. IN-credible. As a side: dad's green beans. It's a brilliant combination.

Jack is laying on top of the couch looking out the window; I'm still in the LU yoga pants and tee I slept in last night. No make-up, eyes are puffy, hair is barbaric, and my body-- a little more toned thanks to Jillian Michaels. I'm waiting for the right moment to make a Pumpkin Spice latte as I sit in this orange chair-- blogging, thinking, and praying.

I'm hurt today, y'all. And even still, the Lord leads me to still waters.

Sometime last year, when B and I were just friends, he wrote me a letter that said, "It's through other people's failures that you are shown the Lord's faithfulness, and for that, I am grateful." It was one of those letters that you hold onto. Like, forever. Timeless, because of the truth that was written into it. Today, that truth follows me around the house. Not only reminding me of our sinful nature, but of how holy, loving, and patient He is with us.

I think we all realize the reality of our nature in that we're always going to want to put ourselves first. We'll care more about ourselves than of our loved ones from time to time-- and they're going to do the same to us. It shouldn't be this way, but by His grace we can repent of it and fulfill the two greatest commandments: loving the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our mind, and with all our strength, and loving our neighbor as ourselves.

I do plenty of putting myself first. Most of it probably without even realizing it. But y'all, there's no other time I'm more aware of my selfishness and how I've hurt others than when I've been the hurt-ee.

I can understand how God may feel when I say that I love Him, yet I don't make Him a priority in my life. How He may feel when I deliberately choose other things over Him. And even still, He's there for me, being patient with me, loving and forgiving me-- and after all of this, I can see not only how I've neglected Him, but how desperately I need to be more like Him. Sometimes, being hurt is the most healing.

He must become greater-- and I, less. My family, friends, roommates, and boyfriend must become greater-- and I, less. I am incapable of loving them the way God has called me to if I'm not loving Him first.

Do any of y'all know what this is like? How in being hurt, you then see how you yourself have hurt God and others? How do you choose to make Christ a priority in your day-to-day life? And can you see a difference in the way you love others when you do?

I'd love to hear your thoughts,

-c

"shtuff"

i'm home. finally.
and it is, for a lack of better words-- lovely.

I'm currently in my new living room, sitting as close to the window as possible, trying to pick up YMCA's internet from across the street. Verizon's recent strike has left us internet-less. And so, here I sit by the window. "Borrowing."

Other than YouthQuest shenanigans and a few friends getting engaged, not much else is going on. One of these days I'll actually be able to sit down and write about more personal/spiritual "shtuff," but I don't think I've gotten to the point of being able to share them just yet. I never really know how much is too much share, so naturally I'll just revert to boring, everyday happenings. I know that there is a time to speak and a time to refrain, but my nature is totally open book and the refraining part can be tough from time to time. I write because I love it; I love crafting life into words and words into life. To me, they're one in the same. Whether or not I'm any good at it, I've no idea, but it helps me see and understand things I wouldn't have otherwise seen or understood.  And someday, I imagine, my children will look back on these posts and get to know who their mom was at their age; the good, the bad, the significant and insignificant. I've never desired that my writing be perfect in nature or in prose, because that's not reality; and because honestly, there's nowhere to go from there. I know that there will be times when I'll say more than I ought and you'll think I'm complete a heathen and want to stage an intervention and/or give me grammar lessons. But the beauty in weakness is that He is always strong, always good, always right, always loving, and always forgiving. He is what we dwell upon. I'm just a girl. Learning to be obedient to Him as I go.

Strangely, this is one of the only places in the world I feel comfortable enough to be myself in. And I am forever thankful that you let me do just that.

as always,
-c

pity party

Oh, my goodness, y'all. I'm going mad.

Just being here and knowing that I could be home right now drives me nuts. Why is this so dad gum hard?

I don't understand.

I wish I had something else to write about, but I've been a sad case lately. A sad, sad, pathetic, lonely case. And I've vowed that I wouldn't spew sad, sad, pathetic, lonely things around on here, so I guess I'll just go and take my pity party elsewhere. Like to a waffle cone full of Coconut Chocolate-Chip Almond ice-cream.

-c

home

So today is the day I no longer have an apartment of my own. Dad, Chase, and Byrd moved all my things out this morning.

It's sad, really. But I get to move into a new place with two wonderful women of God, where the rent is exponentially cheaper-- and that: I am excited about.

The days are dwindling down here in Spec. Only 8 more days to go before I'm back home with my wonderfully entertaining family, in our small, brick, ranch house, sleeping in until noon and sipping coffee from the Keurig all day long. It'll only be for a few days, but I will cherish them to pieces. As for being here in Spec, well -- there are some things I'll miss. But home overshadows them all. And I don't really believe that wanting to be home so badly is a bad thing. At least, it ceased being a bad thing the moment it ceased being a 'god-thing.' And I'll admit: it was a god-thing for me yesterday. There was nothing anyone could say to convince me to hash it out these last eight days. Well, except for B. And even still, he didn't try to convince me -- he just pointed me to the truth so that I could see it for myself. And the truth is that my home isn't in Speculator, and it's not in the Valley, and it's not in Lynchburg. My home is the Kingdom. And I should take hold of it as much as I can while I can. Invite it here. Manifest it here. Until I can't any longer. Until I'm face to face with the King and the Kingdom myself.

Until I'm home.

-c

Dear friends, I urge you being aliens and strangers in this world, to abstain from
the desires of the flesh, which war against your soul. 

-1 Peter 2:11