Monday, April 30, 2012


on saturday night, my granddad was rushed into emergency surgery after having been at the hospital since 5am that morning. i spent most of the evening on the floor of my bedroom praying and crying. as much as i wanted to detach myself from the reality that i could lose my granddad at any moment, i couldn't bare to leave that floor. i felt desperate to keep praying for a miracle-- just as desperate as i was to believe God for a miracle. my sweet fiance had bid me some advice on prayer a few days before,

"pray as if [a miracle] already happened."

we got word around seven thirty that the doctors were able to find where the bleeding was coming from and that they were able to stop it. not only that, but that the doctor was "very happy" with the surgery and how everything looked.

relief washed over me like a spring rain.
i get to fall asleep tonight with my granddad alive and well.

that night, grandma walked in our door to hug us all. she whispered in my ear at how worried granddad was that he wouldn't be able to make it to my wedding. i laughed a little. only granddad would worry about such a thing before emergency surgery.

he's talked me through countless heartaches-- usually resulting in the bottom line of "focus on school and get that paper." and while he's still pushing  for my academics, lately he's been saying how proud he is of me that i chose to "keep things simple" for my wedding. he's been offering up plenty of marital wisdom-- that of "move far away from your family," to "your husband is your absolute best friend aside from Jesus...he is the most important thing."

there are only a few people in my life who actually get me-- people who don't always assume the worst of me. my granddad is one of those people. he chooses to see the best in me when i'm at the worst of me. he's also quite introverted and analytical like me, and doesn't call me out for being "anti-social" at family dinners. he knows it's just because i'm reveling in something, and instead of forcing me out of it, he asks to be apart of it. i have never felt unloved, rejected, or misunderstood by my grandfather. i have only ever felt special.

 i am thankful that i can thank God for the gift of my grandfather tonight, y'all.


Monday, April 23, 2012

satan pills

i feel like it's been a long time. has it been a long time? a month maybe?

i'm well into my new job, and it's great. i've had a few major realizations amidst the newness of the season-- the biggest and most life-altering one is that i discovered that i am indeed, an introvert. the even bigger discovery is that i am an introvert... and it's okay. 

all this time i've just thought i was crazy and un-Christian. but, nope. just introverted.

birth control pills on the other hand, now those make me crazy. enough crazy to make me contemplate running my car off the side of the road. i just don't know what it is about them, but they just make me feel completely strange and suicidal. pretty sure if i stay on them, i might not make it to my wedding -- and if i do make it to my wedding, i'll never make it to the bed. B would probably annul our marriage before we ever got the opportunity to consummate it. and thus why it's called birth control.

oh, the things a soon-to-be wife must do to keep the little kiddos at bay-- but, seriously-- there has GOT to be another way. these satan pills have got to go.