Tuesday, May 8, 2012

what matters the most

after Granddad's stint in the hospital last weekend, you'd think the last thing we would need would be someone trying to break into our house in the middle of the night. but that's what happened. 

oh, and i got food poisoning. 

and B left for san antonio for two and half months. 

i think one of the last things i said to him before he left, puke breath and all, was me promising him that if i wasn't abducted by the time i saw him next, that i'd look prettier. 

but he pulled my chin up, looked straight into my blood-shot eyes and make-up-less face and said, "you are so beautiful." and on his way to give me a kiss on the mouth, i think it dawned on him that i'd been puking for 12 straight hours, so he made a quick u-turn north to my forehead, where he planted a very sweet and adorable goodbye-for-now kiss.

he told me on the phone last night that he almost started crying when he left-- and y'all, B never cries. in all the 2+ years i've known him, i have still never seen him cry. and that makes me want to cry. but knowing that he was close to crying makes me a little bit happy. this is twisted, i know.

after the break-in, it's been frustrating for us to to figure things out. like if we're going to try to find another place to live and how we're going to get the money to do that, and if not, then trying to figure out how we're going to get the money to secure our current house so that i don't have to fear for my life while he's gone. it was frustrating finding out that my job can't guarantee that part-timers will be moved to full-time ever, even though they're hiring 40 new full-time advisors this summer. (because that obviously makes sense).
and it was really frustrating not being able to go 30 minutes without puking up pepto-bismol and buffalo wings for a whole night and day. 

but now it's time to be grateful. grateful for how B didn't get hurt or murdered by said loser who tried to break into our house, for me not being sicker than i was, for great parents, grandparents, brothers, and a wonderful sister-in-law, for the few close friends i have that pray for us, for a part-time job that i at least really love, for safe travels and amazing opportunities for B, and for a God who protects and heals and gives and takes.
and even though we're poor as dirt (according to america's standards), don't have a bed to sleep in once we're married, and might get killed or abducted anyway, we momentarily have each other. but even more importantly, we momentarily have the opportunity to live out a picture of Christ's covenant love.

we're most satisfied when He is being most glorified-- even in the midst of what we think is hard or difficult. we just have to choose to see the eternal things, trust in His ways, and believe Him for all He has done, all He is doing, and for all He will continue to do.

exes and oh's dear people,

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


it's one thing talking about getting married, but it's another thing knowing that in 87 days you'll actually be married.

this evening i sat at B's desk sniffing his freshly bought toiletries: men's body wash, men's clarifying shampoo, and men's old spice deodorant. and then it dawned on me that i'm actually marrying a man. a full blown man. a man that trims his beard, doesn't wash his hands, and cooks his bacon in butter.

he is a total man.

and we'll have to share a bathroom. and a closet. and chores. and a bed. and, you know--  everything. we'll have to be patient with one another. and unselfish. understanding. loving. forgiving. and while all of that completely excites me -- it does somehow unnerve me a little. we're both entirely human, entirely sinful, and entirely different.

we can't just leave the house and return to our own apartments when we get irritated with one another.
we can't hog all the covers.
we can't make a cup of coffee without making the other person a cup of coffee.
we can't really do anything the same way we've been doing them.

we'll need to grow up.
we'll need to adjust.
we'll need to depend on Jesus.
and we'll need to laugh a lot.


and that's the best part about all of this, y'all--
it's that we'll be in this marriage thing together. for-freaking-ever.