Two

And it all comes down to this:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself." -Luke 10:27

Today was a day of intense mixed emotion; excitement, fear, saddness, longing, love, nostalgia.

I hid behind the curtains of the stage today to get some perspective from His Word. My eyes so easily wander off the cross, off the bigger picture, and selfishness creeps in like a disease. I want to stay.

So what is it I'm doing?

Honestly, I haven't a clue. I have no idea why I'm going to Liberty; all I know is that my gut is telling me that's where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to become someone there. Someone different. Someone new.

At the end of the day, I hold two options out in each hand:
stay or go?

Liberty weighs more. Harrisonburg means more. A life of sacrifice. If I fail in the sacrificial life, I've failed entirely. I don't want to get to heaven and be asked why I didn't let go. I don't want to respond with, "because I lacked trust in You, Lord." I want to respond with, "I gave all I had to give to see You glorified."

Leaving comfort. Relying on the Comforter.
Sounds like a fair trade to me.

Truth is, it was all His first to begin with. I have nothing to offer Him that didn't first come from His hands. As Matt Redman has said, "Not even a simple song of praise can we offer without using the breath God first gave us."

Looking back on this year, thinking of all I've gained and of all I've lost, I've somehow found a way to be grateful for it all, even when at times it hurt to the point of breaking. It was all a gift from Him; none of it came by chance, but all by His fatherly hand - even if just for a moment.

I'm beginning to understand that fulfilling my purpose and calling in life will cost something.

Sometimes a great something. Sometimes someone.

But He is enough, His will for my life is good, and I will continue giving up and giving it all back to Him, all for the sake of knowing my God.  Blessed be His name.

"Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name."  -Hebrews 13:15

Thank You, Lord. For everything.

-C