Twenty

Twenty days to go and I'm starting to get anxious.

Excited anxious? No.

Nervous anxious? No.

Poignant anxious? No way.

All of the above? Yes.

I'm approaching the finish line, and now that I'm staring it in the face - more than anything, I just want to get it over with. Most in part, I guess it's already over with. It's been over with. I'm thinking maybe the move will finally just put things into perspective - make reality set in indefinitely. Throwing myself into another world seems like a promising solution, although I know the struggles won't end there either - they'll only be packaged a little differently.

::

The "kids" and Uncle Jeff are opening a bottle of bubbly (cider, that is).

It's a pretty cute sight to behold, all of them with wine glasses in their hands acting so sophisticated.

Grandma is on her second glass of wine and is toasting everyone individually. In the middle of her toasts, she gets sidetracked and looks over to Granddad and says, "love you, dad!" and starts talking about the time he played "Superman" and broke the bed.

I didn't ask any questions.

Grandma never could hold her wine very well.

I'm sitting in the corner in my chair with a full stomach, typing away. I don't know why I'm so apt to write all the time. I guess I kind of find it somewhat therapeutic. I used to fall asleep to the sound of mom typing on the computer when I was younger - but mom has longer nails than I do and it makes a way better sound than my short, calloused, fingers do. But I don't know if it's the sound of the keyboard that does it, or if it's the idea of ridding myself of thoughts and stringing them together into something tangible that calms me. Maybe both.

The holidays are going well; I miss my older brother and my sister-in-law though. It's just not the same without Jay's boistrous laugh and Jenn talking a mile a minute, but they'll be in late tomorrow night and maybe then it will start feeling like Christmas.

I'm speaking of the 'holiday' of course.

The other kind of Christmas, the real Christmas, speaks of a baby boy who would live a life to be given for those He loved. That Christmas, is not bound by December 25th any more than we're no longer bound to the very things He came to free us from.

What a beautiful gift Christmas is.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

-John 3:16

Hope you all are having a very, merry Christmas...
today.

-C